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You Might Be A Liberal If…

Written on Wednesday, May 23, 2012 by

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bush protest sign

As the election season gets well under way and the political claims, exaggerations and outright lies start to fly fast and furious as a Mexican drug dealer crossing the border with a trunk full of U.S.-made weaponry, it can be helpful to sort out some of the issues and determine if you land on the liberal side of the fence.

So with respect to Jeff Foxworthy, you might be a liberal if:

Electric car drivers are big news in your town, but possible fraud and ineligibility on the part of the president of the United States is a non-story.

You think corporate CEOs just sit back and siphon money from everybody else’s pockets but think Warren Buffet’s job — picking stocks — is actually hard work.

You blame rich Republicans for destroying the economy, but think a multibillionaire ex-Nazi collaborator with a history of actually crashing actual economies is just a good ally.

You think a conservative teaching alternative theories to evolution is dangerous, but a guy in a tutu can teach your kids anytime.

You think the price of gasoline is too high, but you will fight tooth and nail to prevent the development of new oil resources.

You believe cutting taxes on large businesses is wrong, but spending hundreds of billions of dollars on anti-pollution programs that don’t work is mandatory.

Of the billions of tons of carbon dioxide produced on Earth each year, you believe only the ten-thousandth of 1 percent that is produced by humans is affecting the Earth’s climate.

You think property damage, squatting on public property and violence on behalf of the Occupy Wall Street movement is OK, but a Tea Party event that respectfully protests taxes and unconstitutional government is dangerous.

Insults and threats directed at President Bush made you laugh, but you believe any criticism of President Obama is racist.

You’re not a Vegas showgirl, but a significant part of your wardrobe still consists of sequins and feather boas.

You think tapping terrorist cell phones was a civil rights violation, but being anally probed by TSA at airports is just an accepted part of air travel.

You think gun crimes would disappear if only law-abiding citizens would give up their guns.

You believe pornography is protected speech, but public professions of faith should be banned.

Whatever it is, you believe it’s Bush’s fault.

 

 

 

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