The latest chimera to come out of the nation’s genetics labs and meant for your dinner table is a superfish that is “unlikely” to affect the environment, according to an FDA report.

The finding could clear the way for approval of the AquaAdvantage salmon, the first genetically engineered animal for human consumption, the Associated Press reported.

The AquaAdvantage salmon has been genetically tinkered with to double its growth rate, but “will not have any significant impacts on the quality of the human environment of the United States” — at least until its spawn bursts out of someone’s stomach and proceeds to eat everybody at Fisherman’s Wharf.

According to the AP, the AquaAdvantage, which sounds more like a hairspray than a fish, has been the subject of years of contentious debate within the hallowed halls of the FDA.

Two years ago, the FDA ruled that the fish “appeared to be safe” to eat.

Scientists can be some of the dumbest people around sometimes.

Have we not seen “Frankenstein” and “Bride of Frankenstein”?

Have we not seen “Jurassic Park”?

Have we not seen “Robocop II”? … OK, no one saw “Robocop II,” but the point remains valid.

Mucking around with a thing’s natural parts and putting in new ones will NEVER end well.

The “gengineered” salmon grows faster than normal salmon, which means it matures sooner, which translates into faster breeding. By comparison, standard salmon are at a distinct disadvantage.

Faster breeding would likely lead to larger populations, which will need to eat. Every bug or fish the salmon eat pulls on a different strand of the web of environmental relationships that make up the salmon’s ecosystem.

Imagine if one or two of these fish get into the wild environment? Oh sure, it will start out as a “controlled” experiment, but just when we get comfortable with superfish and ease off the controls a bit, all it will take is for Willy the Warehouse Guy to accidentally switch shipping labels and the salmon farm gets regular fish while Lake Yuckitup gets a shipment of Giganto Fish.

If I were filming the horror movie, this would be the point where the salmon first go after tasty, scantily clad coeds.

For Christians, this sort of tinkering is wrong on its face because it is literally “playing God.”

But even secularists should reject genetic manipulation of this sort because if you believe in evolution, then you have to believe that every life form developed to fill a space in the environment. The whole fits together like a puzzle. Changing one puzzle piece in a genetics lab can throw off the entire picture by altering it in unforeseen ways.

“They” — the mystical, magical “they,” as Father Stout used to say — have already been mucking around with our food by stuffing it with corn at every opportunity. Try to find something at the grocery store that doesn’t contain corn syrup or wasn’t fed genetically modified corn.

There are some people who will just shrug this off, saying that food producers have been using chemicals, hormones, corn syrup and genetically modified food for years and we’re still here, so it must be OK.

Granted this kind of monkey science has been going on for a long time. But have you also noticed increasingly bland food, growing rates of obesity, a rise in food allergies, new diseases, decreasing intelligence and a general rise in overall “blah” feelings among the guinea pig — er, consumer — population?

Remember the movie “Soylent Green”? I’ve often wondered, if it were real life, how many of those people who were warned would go right on eating the stuff? I’m betting it would be the majority.

It’s like the difference between farmed salmon, “wild caught” but frozen salmon and the salmon you just bagged yourself from the river. Some people are fine with all three and don’t care, think it’s all the same. Other people can taste and feel the difference.

Eating like a pig is fine for pigs and some people. If Americans want to get back to eating like human beings, we should start doing something about it.