Despite King Obama’s purported magical powers, the rise in ocean levels has not slowed and has even sped up, according to government researchers.

Obama famously claimed in his nomination acceptance speech in 2008 that “generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal; this was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation and restored our image as the last, best hope on Earth.”

Of course, no part of Obama’s prophecy about the impending miracles to be wrought by his administration has come true:

Provide care for the sick — We were already doing that, but Obamacare now is increasing costs and will decrease access as employers begin to drop health care coverage plans altogether.

Good jobs to the jobless — According to the Labor Department, the real “U6” unemployment numbers show unemployment in the mid-teens and a shrinking labor force as millions just give up hope of ever working again.

Ending a war — The Iraq War was already winding down, but King Obama has kept our troops overseas in Afghanistan, Libya and other foreign countries.

Secured our nation — The king has thrown open the country’s borders to win votes, and his underlings have passed out guns to Mexican drug runners to try to win more restrictions on Americans’ gun rights.

Restored our image as the last, best hope on Earth — Under Obama’s reign, the U.S. has taken a back seat to NATO and groveled before the world’s tyrants, begging for them to like us. Under President Bush, the world’s liberals hated us, but the people who mattered, the ones with missiles pointing at us or our allies, had a healthy respect for our military. Those people are laughing now.

Then there’s the claim about slowing the rise of the seas and healing the planet, the most megalomaniacal in a list of megalomaniacal claims.

Just last week, U.S. Geological Survey scientists reported that sea level is actually rising faster than around the rest of the globe along a 600-mile stretch of the East Coast from Cape Hatteras, N.C., to New York City — centered almost exactly around Washington, D.C.

The scientists blamed shifting ocean currents due to global warming.

This was predicted by the United Nations’ computer models years ago, but this was the first study — ever — that found an increased pace of sea level rise has already happened.

Of course, the new study couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the North Carolina Senate passing a bill curbing use of those aforementioned computer models in determining environmental policy. (The Senate on June 12 gave final approval to the bill, on the basis that the computer models are speculative and alarmist.)

Nah. Our government would never manipulate scientific data for political purposes. …

The idea that humans can “save” the planet has long been one of the greatest conceits of liberalism. Those in the know understand that the environmentalism game is really about money and power, but there are plenty of liberals who actually believe the Earth is in danger from humans and they can do something to stop it.

The first thing to understand in seeing through the fog of environmental alarmism is that we humans are nothing more serious than a sneeze compared with the planet’s health as a whole. There are any number of naturally occurring events that could potentially wipe us out, and if you buy into evolution, you believe we have only been on this planet a fraction of a fraction of its entire existence, so we’re not that impressive as a species to begin with.

All that stuff about how we’re using up all the resources on the planet? You could take the entire population of Earth, give each person a quarter acre of land to live and grow food on and still fit everyone inside the continental United States, leaving the rest of the Earth’s surface empty.

Carbon dioxide warming the atmosphere? When you check the actual numbers, all human activity contributes less than 2 percent of the carbon dioxide pumped into the air each year. Add to that the fact that carbon dioxide is a minor regulator of temperature compared with the No. 1 greenhouse gas — water vapor — and you soon come to realize that all the global warming caterwauling is over a possible contribution by humans of about one ten-thousandth of a degree over 100 years. And the accuracy of those temperature numbers is far from accepted once you get outside of political circles.

Most of liberals’ attempts at “fixing” the environment backfire, although there’s a whole industry making money by telling you they don’t.

DDT was said to poison birds, deforming their beaks and causing thin eggshells. That’s been debunked many times, but what did actually happen since the DDT ban is that millions of people who could have lived died from malaria caused by mosquitoes.

Nuclear power plants in this country have been blocked by an aggressive anti-nuclear movement that claims all manner of terrible results if you were to use nuclear energy. But nuclear energy is a clean power source with minimal waste. Countries like France long ago modernized to run almost exclusively on nuclear power, thus greatly reducing air pollution while avoiding having to resort to “brown outs” and extra sweaters.

Virtually every ruling protecting an “endangered species” has had a considerable economic impact, either on individuals or even entire industries. States like California are staggering under the weight of their own environmental fascism, yet they keep piling on more restrictions by invoking the fantasy of saving the Earth.

Reality check: Even if sea levels are rising, so what? That’s what the Earth does. There are literally hundreds of communities that are underwater around the globe, dating back to ancient times.

That ground you’re standing on that seems so solid is actually little more than a thin skin floating on top of the boiling soup that is the Earth’s mantle. It can move up, down or side to side without warning. And those sea levels are affected by things like surface run off and by refilling of underground aquifers. Temperature can cause water to expand or contract, but it’s affected by many factors, including known long-term cycles deep in the ocean, like the Atlantic Multidecadal Oscillation.

Liberals, take note: It’s called erosion. It’s not a new thing, and the proper response does not involve a multibillion-dollar carbon credit scheme. If you’re in danger of being flooded, just move to higher ground like any caveman would do.

And please stop voting for narcissists who think they can command the seas.