In America, historically, some Johnny’s have gone for a soldier, and some Johnnies came marching home again. Our Little Johnny started practicing at an early age; all professionals begin their apprenticeship young. He practiced in front of the bathroom mirror, posing hypothetical questions and then carefully studying his facial expression for signs of any tell. Did his eyes avert, did a sneer cross his lips, and was that a twitch of his forehead? “Did you brush your teeth?” he might ask himself, and in reply offer “Yes mom and I sang Happy Birthday three times”. By eight he knew he had mastered it, blending perfect control of facial muscles with insignificant vocal detail, he had mastered The Lie.
Like a fine musician he honed his craft during his teen years. His art enabled him to exert power over people. Teachers? Suckers for a good lie every time. He convinced them his family owned a kennel and that is why his assignments were always chewed up and missing. This was a lie for their own sake; it meant one less paper to grade leaving more time for the teachers to spend with their families. Why you lie is as important as the lie itself, you see.
Parents? He took to stealing money from them. They weren’t spending it right. By taking their money he prevented them from wasting it on unhealthy food and beer. His good friend Ezekiel aided him in this, and came up with some of the best lies Johnny used on his folks. Yes, the youngsters were better than good friends, but they were rarely seen together because anytime Zeke went out fifteen girls beat him up for being…Zeke. Zeke learned nothing from this experience and even I wouldn’t mind taking a shot at him today.
Girls? Do we want to go there? Victims, lied to and willing, were strewn about the woods behind the local high school. He had looks, he had lies, he had his parent’s money; he had cultivated the language of liberalism; he had it all.
He lied on his college applications, but only to keep in practice and to ensure the chosen campus would benefit from his presence. Get this: he graduated from MIT around 1987 earning a BS in economics. Ha, Ha, Ha, a BS in economics. Now that’s a degree he could put to good use.
He lied his way to a PhD from Harvard with a thesis entitled Lego: Changes in the Structure of Employer-Provided Health Insurance, the Sequel. It took him the next ten years of his life to complete the destruction of your employer-provided health insurance, but he says it was worth it. He may be lying on that one. One can’t tell anymore.
He came to Washington to study under some of the best liars in the world, Barrack Obama, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, and the Washington Press Corps. He rose through the ranks of liars quickly, establishing some cool moves and a devastating hook shot. In 2011 he was named “One of the Top 25 Most Innovative and Practical Thinkers of Our Time” by Slate Magazine. Just today he was named “One of the Top 25 Most Innovative and Practical Liars of Our Time” by the Dustin Detroit Foundation and Children’s Clown Circus, so the accolades continue to roll in.
There was some controversy in 2010 when it was disclosed that Johnny was being paid $297,000 by the Department of Health and Human Services while at the same time promoting the Obama Administration’s ACA policies. It was a clear conflict of interest, but everybody involved pooled their vast store of lies and lied their way out of it. The Washington Press Corps, sensing another lie from the Obama administration, didn’t mention it, contributing a lie by omission.
I think that if the government is going to pay you to lie they should pay you in counterfeit dollars. This would save taxpayers the heartbreak of being lied to and robbed at the same time. They could have paid him 2 million in counterfeit and most of us would be ok with it.
Then he got to talking. It is a story as old as time, hubris begets tragedy. In video after video after video Johnny was seen saying some pretty wild things. Things like “… (The) American people are too stupid to understand the difference” between two economic approaches, and that the switch of approaches worked because of “… (The) lack of economic understanding of the American voter.”
The first one is just an example of elitist as blowhard. The second one is frightening because this guy receives a great American education, funded in part by American Taxpayers, and then goes out and uses his great American education against Americans. You know, a finely educated man with the ethical compass of a worm would have stood up and explained that the two approaches were a fake delivered at the behest of politicians. Explain it to us, pass on some of that great education we, the dummies, gifted to you. Instead this creep slits our health insurance throats like some Manchurian PhD candidate.
Johnny has been, indeed, thrown in front of the bus with Pelosi denying him three times. You don’t mess with the big boys; Johnny won’t be talking for a while. I think they call it waiting until the heat dies down. Johnny on the lam.
This morning I read a liberal defense of Johnny. Try to follow this; Johnny didn’t lie, he told the truth and the right is crucifying him for it. That is untrue. He lied creating the policy, then he lied about the policy for the administration, then he bragged about his clever lying. That is the timeline, and more liberal lies can’t change it.
So here’s to Our Little Johnny, American Policy Boy. I’d like to say that you are a credit to our way of life, our proud educational institutions, and the American political system. I would like to further state that you are the joy of your mother’s heart, the apple of your children’s eye, and a source of pride to everyone in our great nation.
But I can’t.
I’d be lying.