So do guns reduce crime? University of Houston grad student Kyle Coplen, founder of the “Armed Citizens Project,” is giving away 20-gauge single-shot shotguns in high-crime neighborhoods to finally get to the bottom of it. If the experiment works, Coplen says he plans to expand the program to include various members of the Jesse Jackson, Jr. family.
Florida Gov. Rick Scott on Wednesday became the seventh Republican governor giving the thumbs-up to an expansion of Medicaid under ObamaCare in his state. Governor Scott joins other loyal ObamaCare critics Jan Brewer and John Kasich, among others, in the highly contested, “Who’s the Biggest RINO” challenge, going on now through the end of our Republic. Yes, it means all US taxpayers will be footing the bill; yes, it means more votes for Rick Scott’s re-election he thinks; yes, it means an invitation to the annual “Rove-Fest” held in upstate Billionaireville – but hey – it’s not like there’s a lot of Medicaid eligible people in Florida, so get over yourself already, you Tea Party activist, you.
The government of Iran has begun installing advanced centrifuge machines for enriching uranium at its nuclear power plant near somewhere called, “Natanz.” The name and pronunciation are important because kids studying history fifty years from now at the University of Bejing-Peoria will need to get it right or look like, they too, did not really care when and where it all started. Although Western powers fear the Iranians are developing weapons technology, the good folks in Tehran continue to say they’re refining uranium only for peaceful energy purposes. Man, if only there were something plentiful and cheap over in the Middle East they could use to run cars and stuff. Oh well. “Natanz”… Got it.
The Natanz facility in central Iran is ground zero for UN watchdog IAEA (International Something Something), which recently had their latest report detailing its progress on monitoring Iran’s nuclear development leaked by the BBC. This official IAEA company report said that despite an intensified dialogue with Iran; “no progress has been made on issues relating to possible military dimensions to Iran’s nuclear programme.” After a tersely worded email excoriating the BBC for a clear violation of journalistic such and such, officials at IAEA say the Iranians remain “pretty cool” about the whole thing and those giant cube shelves will be on sale this weekend at all IAEA Stores.
Tiger Woods, who played golf with Barack Obama over the weekend, landed quite a compliment from the President, who told ABC when it came to golf, Woods was; “on a different planet.” For his part, Woods said it was a thrill riding on Golf Cart One and that Obama was really good for a guy who only plays four or five times a week.
Joe Biden told Congress Thursday that there is, quote; “a moral price to be paid for inaction” when it comes to restricting an American’s right to bear arms. And when Joe Biden says; “quote,” you can bet someone actually said that somewhere, at some time. Perhaps law school or during an episode of; “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” Either way, Biden is the point man for Barack Obama and his official exploitation of the Newton mass shooting crisis. In addition, Mr. Biden told Americans they should get a shotgun, go out onto the porch and fire it off a couple times whenever they feel in danger or during the third day of Cinco De Mayo. Ironically, Biden’s dermatologist is reported to have also used the shot-gun approach to the Vice-President’s hair replacement job. “Natanz”. Right?
Bill O’Reilly’s next “Killing Somebody” book will reportedly be titled; “Killing Jesus: A History,” which Holt publishing says will chronicle the events leading up to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. In this version of the classic Biblical story, Alan Colmes makes a fool of himself, while Dick Morris predicts a landslide for the Pharisees in the elections of 12BC.
80-year-old former Senator Pete Domenici is admitting to fathering a child 30 years ago with the daughter of fellow Republican Senator Paul Laxalt, when Domenici was a rising star in Congress. Feel free to make your own joke there. Include the word; “filibustering” in your punch line – it’s a funny word and sounds a little racy. Anywhoozer, the mother of the aforementioned love-child is Michelle Laxalt, a high-profile Washington lobbyist and the baby in question is the now 34-year-old Las Vegas lawyer, Adam Laxalt. I yield back the balance of my time to the esteemed father of my grandchild… ? Yikes!
… Thanks – drive safely and send hate mail to: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject line: “Natanz”