Bob Woodward, yes the Watergate guy, claims to have been threatened by the White House through email. He was told he that he would “regret doing this” in regards to a column Mr. Redford was writing about Obama and the looming sequester. Sorry, I meant “Woodward.” Or was it Dustin Hoffman? Man, I’m old. For you young’uns, Bob Woodward was one of the principals of the WaterGate scandal. Google it, scroll past all the pages about Marco Rubio and click on the Nixon stuff.
Anywhoozer, the big question is who’s going to play Bob Woodward in the new film; “All the President’s Wimps”? My vote goes to wide-ranging actress Anne Hathaway. She can do anything – including making her eyes follow you around the room like those pictures of the giant kitty-cats and puppies. On a side note, I understand Carl Bernstein also received an email from the White House, saying; “Keep up the good work…”

Apparently, some National Football League teams aren’t buying Manti Te’o’s declaration to Katie Couric that he’s not gay, and inquiring football minds want to know. They say it goes to his character, honesty and has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you like girls… so, um… do you? Just curious – not saying it will affect whether or not we draft you and pay you millions of dollars. Just say which team you play for now, how ’bout that? There’s some good news though – Manti says he met with NFL General Manager Kaiser Sosa and during the Combine, harvested over 3 acres of corn. Good work. We’re right behind you. For obvious reasons.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the rash of reports this week about horse meat showing up just about everywhere in the world, including Ikea meat balls, hamburgers in Ireland and Nestle Lasagna. The latest is an admission by Danish authorities that horse meat was found in some local pizza. They were tipped off when butchers in central Denmark began advertising their pizza will be delivered in less than 10 lengths or your pizza is free. What this has to do with politics, you’ll have to figure out on your own – preferably with a cold one, some deep dish and a whip.

Former President Jimmy Carter told Piers Morgan that Ben Affleck’s “Argo” was “a great drama,” but the escape plan was Canadian – not primarily an idea by the CIA as it was depicted in the film. Proving once and for all what a terrific ex-President he is. Look how much better off we are, now that Jimmy Carter is no longer President. He may be the greatest ex-President ever.
A liberal super PAC, called “Progress Kentucky,” has attacked Mitch McConnell’s wife, former Secretary of Labor Elaine Chao, based on her ethnicity. They recently tweeted: “This woman has the ear of (Sen. McConnell)—she’s his wife. May explain why your job moved to China!” Actress Ashley Judd, who has been rumored to be McConnell’s Democratic opponent, said the comments are wrong & patently unacceptable, but didn’t mention the PAC by name. Since then, “Progress Kentucky” has apologized and removed the offensive tweets. For the record, Elaine Chao is Taiwanese, which for you “Progress Kentucky” folk – that means she’s from Taiwan, not China. And for you hillbilly’s – oh, forget it.

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has finally taken a meeting with his first American. His name? Dennis Rodman. His nickname? “The Worm.” Now before you get all wound up, let’s at least confess that if we’re going to be represented in that part of the world, it ought to be by a tall, tattooed, multiple-pierced, dark sunglass wearing, Hall of Fame NBA player – who once got married to himself. If this doesn’t scare the beJesus out of ‘lil Kim, I don’t know what would. Nukes? Not with Rodman swatting them out of the air and shoveling an outlet pass with them right back ‘atcha. Reportedly, Dennis and Jong Un watched an exhibition basketball game in Pyongyang, and afterwards, the Worm told the other worm; “You have a friend for life.” Then Kim started swinging from Rodman’s nose ring. You had to be there.

… Thanks – drive safely and send hate mail to: kowenhoven@gmail.com Subject line: “I’ll regret this”