Former VP Al Gore cashed out about half his bonus stock options from the Apple Corporation and is looking at a payout of a cool $30 million. Gore has made around a million a year for the past ten years from sitting on the board of Apple and doesn’t he deserve it? After all, he invented the Internet and I’m not sure if Apple would be where they are without it. After making a couple hundred million on Global Warming advocacy over the past ten years, he and Tipper bought a $9 million mansion on the California Coastal city of Montecito and apparently aren’t that worried about the oceans rising and flooding their giant pantry. In fact, in the years Al Gore has been running around screaming that the sky is going to fall, the earth has been actually cooling. Is there anything he can’t solve? All this from a guy who got the most votes in 2000, but still lost. That was a shame, I tells ya’.

The Little Rock, Arkansas airport has been renamed; “Bill and Hillary Clinton National” and the Clinton’s who were in attendance for the dedication on Friday looked like they could not have been happier. The former First Couple are the first to be granted such an honor. Coming in a close second in the renaming was; “The Hill-Billy Airport” with an honorable mention going to “Pantsuits & Pantsdown National.” The newly remodeled airport lounge was also re-named; “The Mile-high Club” in honor of Bill Clinton and I understand that the Lewinsky Customer Service Department is in a hidden location, somewhere under a desk.

The re-election campaign for New Jersey Governor Chris Christie this week filed over $6 million in funds raised from over 14,000 contributors. While conservatives accuse Christie of following the political winds rather than staying true to Republican principles, some observers close to the campaign say when Christie puts his finger in the air the wind actually stops. William J. Palatucci, Christie for Governor Chairman, said; “His strong leadership continues to resonate and draw an unprecedented show of support from inside and outside of the state, and from across the donor spectrum.” Now if Christie could only actually run.

Public School 244 in New York has announced they have gone full-on Vegan – the first public school in the nation to serve only vegetarian meals for breakfast and lunch. No more sausage and peperoni pizza or chicken for these kids. The staff at Active Learning Elementary School has switched them out for generous portions of tofu, beans and salad. Lots of salad. The visiting New York Daily News reported the students actually like it, but many noticed that the kids getting bullied have been a lot more willing to give up their lunch money since the change.

Whistle-blowers in the Benghazi scandal will finally testify Wednesday and it doesn’t look good for anyone in the Obama Administration who said before the election last year that it wasn’t caused by terrorism or Al Qeada. That is, if you don’t count the fact that they won the election. So in that sense, what does it matter anyway? Is Hillary going to be damaged for the 2016 election? No. Will President Obama be impeached? No. Will anybody resign or be fired for dereliction of duty? No. Will anyone be surprised? Well? I’ll get back to you on that. So far, Mitt Romney has taken more crap from the mainstream press about Benghazi than the President has.

FINALLY: Reports are that we now have an unprecedented situation, where two Popes will be residing together in the Vatican. The two pontiffs will also share their personal aides and many observers are concerned this may cause some conservative high prelates still loyal to Pope Benedict to oppose the many reforms which the new Pope Francis has announced. Making matters worse, sources close to the Papacy say one of the Popes is a real slob and the other a fanatical neat freak. The big question is: “Can two Pope’s share a Papal Apartment of the Apostolic Palace without driving each other crazy?”… Goodnight Felix.

Rodney Lee Conover is a writer / performer, living in Southern California’s Mohave Desert
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