Ashley Judd has announced she will not run for a Kentucky Senate seat against Mitch McConnell, who said he’ll stop making crappy romantic comedies.

That pesky little guy in North Korea is at it again with new threats of war, nuclear strikes, authorized punches to the knee cap – and it’s getting to the point where people around the world have almost stopped giggling all together. “The moment of explosion is approaching fast,” a representative of the North Korean military threatened in broken English, warning that war could break out “today or tomorrow” … Um, that was Wednesday, so my guess is he reconsidered – whew!

Nevertheless, the US is sending ground-based interceptors to Guam and two large boats, called “Aegis-Class” Guided Missile Warship to the region. “Aegis-Class” loosely translated into North Korean, means; “the last thing we’ll ever see alive”. Just goes to show you, the two happiest days of your life is the day you buy your boat, and the day you sell it. The unhappiest day of your life is when two Aegis-Class warships cruise up to your beach and bomb the living be-hey-Zeus out of you.

In a move that is sending shock waves through North America, President Obama’s pick for ambassador to Canada is fellow Chicagoan Bruce Heyman, who also happens to be (strictly by co-inky-dink), a partner at Goldman Sachs, a mega-fundraiser for Obama, and member of the Obama campaign’s national finance committee. And if that weren’t enough, it was reported Tuesday that Jim Nabors married a dude! How crazy can one week get? C’mon – who saw any of that comin’?

Samoa Air has become the first airline to begin charging larger people extra money to fly, because they weigh more. Seriously, could they have picked a funnier airline to be the first? Don’t they know that ‘Samoan’ is the International Comedian Society’s agreed upon country of origin to infer that someone is fat? Way to go Samoa air – nothing like knocking that stereotype down a few notches. Of course that’s nothing compared to the crap Southwest Airlines is going to take for their new promotion: “Hags Fly Free”…
According to the latest McClatchy-Marist poll, the smart money says Hillary Clinton or even Joe Biden have the edge in the 2016 presidential election. The survey matched Clinton and Uncle Joe against some potential opponents and both of them easily beat Marco Rubio, Rand Paul and Jeb Bush. No, that’s not the Pep Boys – those are Republicans. BUT – and this is a big BUT – when matched against Chris Christie, Hillary Clinton barely won and Joe Biden lost, but only by a very slim margin. Oy, with the fat puns again.

In New York – Democratic state Senator Malcolm Smith and Republican City Councilman Dan Halloran were caught by the FBI bribing GOP leaders to “grease the wheels” so Smith could run for mayor on the Republican ticket. Smith, Halloran and four others have been arrested on a number of charges. The good news is that Republicans and Democrats are finally reaching across the aisle and working together.

And finally,
Maya Angelou was asked by Time Magazine if she had ever fired a gun, and surprised the reporter by answering; “Of course!” Ms. Angelou went on to tell the story of when she shot at an intruder who was trying to break into her home. I was thinking what a beautiful, heart-felt, and emotion-filled background check that must have been. When the incredulous reporter asked what happened and who the intruder was, she said “a man from Nantuckett…”
… You see, she’s a famous poet. And… oh, forget it.
– follow me onTwitter @rodneyconover
Send hate mail to: [email protected]
Subject line: “MRS. GOMER PYLE”