Even after he was forced to resign his Congressional seat for “sexting” pics of his private parts to young girls, then lying about it, NYC Mayoral Candidate Anthony Weiner has been sending more lewd pictures of himself to a 22-year-old using the online identity; “Carlos Danger.” I know what you’re thinking: I’m making this up. I wish I was that good folks, I’m not. Despite doing a glossy photo spread for People Magazine, his wife Huma apparently knew it was going on, despite all the public lying to the contrary. They’re both in on it for the power, the money and the mansion and Hillary. Did I say that outloud?
So where was I? Oh yeah, Anthony Weiner. You know how addiction is so sad? People become horrible alcoholics or have problems with drugs or gambling and you just feel bad for them?… But Congressman Weiner: Yours is TAKING PICTURES OF YOUR THINGY AND TWEETING IT TO STRANGERS? That’s your dependency? Ya’ just can’t stop it – you’re hooked?
What do you suppose those meetings are like?…
COUNSELOR: “Welcome everyone, tonight we have a new member of Taking Pictures of Your Thingy and Tweeting it to Strangers Anonymous with us: Anthony, would you like to stand and introduce yourself?”
Okay, um.. Well, my name is Anthony… Weiner.
AFTER THE ROAR OF LAUGHTER SUBSIDES
… And I’ve been not taking pictures of my thingy and tweeting it to strangers for six days.
REST OF CLASS: “Hi, Weiner!”
ROAR OF LAUGHTER RESUMES. ANTHONY RUNS OUT CRYING. THE END.
But seriously, do you think Anthony Weiner’s name could have something to do with it? You think the doubtless taunting as a kid due to his easy target of a name and skinny stature drove him to spread evidence of his manhood to young girls whom he thought were in awe of his powerful status – all in an effort to overcome the years of ridicule? Or is he just in a sham marriage and needs the outlet? Look, it’s either we address these serious psychological questions or I go back to the hackneyed, adolescent jokes – now what’s it gonna be?… Well? Okay, fine.
We have some breaking news in New York City’s hotly contested race for Mayor: Weiner won’t pull out!
There – happy? Moving on:
Because of the Zimmerman trial and the state’s “stand your ground” laws; R. Kelly, Madonna, Jay-Z and Kanye West have joined in the boycott of Florida. I’m beginning to think this whole thing was an ingenious plot on the part of Florida.
Michelle Obama is taking on another First Lady project in addition to her celebrated fight against childhood obesity, but this one has the potential to be much more contentious: Whereas most people are agreed that kids with weight problems are a bad thing, Michelle’s new cause – kids and gun violence – is sure to encounter controversy when the subject of restricting gun ownership inevitably comes up. However, I have the perfect solution for the First Lady, which would not only combine her causes, but could very well solve both problems at once: Just tell children that fat kids make easier targets. Win-win!
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “We must uphold our oath to protect and defend The Constitution and all Americans by expanding background checks and keeping dangerous firearms out of the wrong hands.”
– Nancy Pelosi
Terri Bennett, a nursing student at Pima Community College in Arizona was suspended and called a bigot for requesting that her courses be taught and conducted… in English.
Terri first made her concerns known in April earlier this year to school officials that the primarily Spanish (which she doesn’t understand) language used in her class room was causing her education to suffer. So Program Director David Kutzler called her a bigot, a word I can’t print here and then suspended Ms. Bennett. She’s suing the school for wrongly suspending her, but not before trying to resolve the issue by meeting once again with officials at PCC. They told her to “seek counseling.” Ms. Bennett apparently not aware these community college administrative procedures are mandated in the Gang of Eight’s Immigration Reform Bill, coming soon to a country near you.
Barack Obama has nominated Cornelia Pillard to serve as a judge on the D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals, and she is currently awaiting consideration by The Senate for confirmation. Ms. Pillard is an outspoken advocate for abortion who said at a hearing Wednesday that abstinence education was unconstitutional for violating “reproductive justice.” In other words, merely teaching kids to put off sex until marriage is criminal activity. In other words, we want your kids to learn how to have sex. If you refuse, we’ll rule that your refusal is a crime. And when you’re safely in prison, we can teach your kids about sex and they’ll have sex with other kids. Then they can have abortions at our donor’s abortion clinics at taxpayer expense and we’ll get more campaign funds. Rinse and repeat. And that’s “reproductive justice.” The Aristocrats.
PS: Congrats to the Royal couple and their baby, His Royal Highness Prince Carlos Danger of Cambridge
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Rodney Lee Conover lives in Southern California with his dog, Jack the Whippet
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