If only our Congress would have acted to make bombs illegal… oh, yeah. Never mind.
Leaders in North Korea are not done with their warning of global destruction and domination, saying that attacks are still forthcoming, and they’re not joking around here, Western peoples. The supreme command of the Korean People’s Army Tuesday said it was responding to insults from the “puppet authorities” in the South, apparently at a total loss that they probably could be beaten in a war by actual puppets.
The Cookie Monster, Alf, Howdy Doody, Big Bird and Triumph the insult Comic Dog could go in tomorrow and kick your asses – let’s just get that out there, okay? Back to the story: The North Korean military also vows that their attack on South Korea will “start without any notice from now.” What they didn’t tell you is that it will also begin without modern weaponry, enough ammunition, indoor toilets or members of the military who are trained in any fashion of warfare.
In my favorite story of the week, an Iranian businessman claims to have invented a time machine. My thought was that in that country, “time machine” may just mean “wrist watch”…
On Thursday, President Obama threw a hissy-fit in the Rose Garden after Senators opposed to an expanded background checks amendment stopped the most recent gun control bill in its tracks. Mr. Obama accused his opponents of “having no coherent arguments” and don’t you think if anyone should be familiar with incoherency, wouldn’t it be the guy who picked Joe Biden as his Vice-president? And speaking of incoherent arguments, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who himself voted against the Toomey-Manchin amendment (they sound like game-show producing partners, don’t they?) announced that he’s putting the whole expanded background check thing on ice. He’s said to be so upset, Senator Reid threatened to just quit, go home and enjoy the millions he’s made on his $176K a year job.
Okay, I’m not done: The North Koreans also say that if South Korea doesn’t apologize for protesting on the same day they were celebrating the birth of its founding leader, they’re going to deliver an attack, vowing “sledgehammer blows”. So in addition to Dennis Rodman, they now have Peter Gabriel? Okay, enough…
According to a report from the United Nations, for a third year in a row opium production in Afghanistan has gone up and is heading for a record high. The recent boom in poppy cultivation is biggest in the southern portion of the country and even though international efforts have been made to get the locals to stop growing poppies, they are having little success. The increase is an indication that Afghans are turning to illegal crops as their economy shrinks ahead of troops withdrawals at the end of 2014. When reached for comment, Keith Richards said, “Go USA‼”
In reaction to the massacre at the Boston Marathon, actor & comic Jay Mohr tweeted that the “2nd Amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop.” I’m thinking the best way to get rid of it is not through tweeting, but perhaps if the Second Amendment would only follow Mr. Mohr’s career path, it would be gone very soon.
FINALLY: Multiple deaths, injuries and complete destruction have resulted from fires and devastation after a huge explosion at a fertilizer plant in Waco, Texas – or as Janet Reno calls it; “Wednesday”…
Thanks, drive safely, and be sure to tune in next week.
**This has been a Toomey/Manchin production.
Rodney Lee Conover is a writer / performer, living in Southern California’s Mohave Desert
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