Hillary Clinton has been directly implicated in the Benghazi cover-up with many political experts saying testimony from State Department witnesses could impact her presidential candidacy in 2016. In other words, The Emperor has no pantsuit.

Boston Marathon bomber Tamerlan Tsarnaev has been buried in a small Muslim cemetery in Doswell, Virginia, around 12 miles from Richmond. His remains are interred at the Al-Barzakh Cemetery, the state’s very first Muslim burial ground. I must have missed the big grand opening, but congrats there, Commonwealth, you’re really living up to your saying; “Virginia is For Lovers.” Apparently, Virginia is for haters, too, but like others buried at the Muslim cemetery, Tsarnaev was buried on his side, facing toward Mecca. Things were going great too, until Tamerlan realized he was dead, started looking around for the promised 72 virgins and found nothing but Virginians… What a rip-off! Should have read that pamphlet closer there, Jihad-boy.

At the annual NRA convention in Houston, a company called; “Flashbang Holsters” displayed their latest in conceal and carry lingerie, called “The Flashbang Bra.” It’s a nifty brassiere with a built-in holster allowing a gal to pack heat right there between the, uh, you know. Them. The first thought I had was that for Joe Biden to fit a shotgun in there, a woman would have to be pretty well endowed. Then I started thinking about a Barney Frank model and that made me stop thinking about anything except the Cubs prospects for this season. The “Flashbang” is for a woman’s protection against an attacker, but imagine how a young suitor on a hot date might be reticent to try for second base if it meant perhaps shooting himself in the, uh, you know. Them. No truth to the rumor that Victoria’s Secret is coming out with a new; “Crotchless SR15.” Okay, I’ll stop… Boobies! Psyche!

Turns out those Senior Internal Revenue Service officials knew their underlings were targeting tea party and other conservative groups as early as 2011, which directly contradicts strident denials by the commissioner of the IRS. But listen, Obama won re-election so what does it matter now, anyway? The IRS has bigger fish to fry – like enforcing ObamaCare – and this silly notion that the President is using the Internal Revenue Service to punish his political opponents hardly rises to the level of Fast & Furious or Benghazi, so let’s move along, okay? Besides, if you don’t like the current Administration and you get audited or harassed by the IRS, it sounds like it’s your own fault.

The president of CBS News, David Rhoades, is the brother of President Obama’s national security advisor, Ben Rhoades. ABC News reports that Ben Rhoades was very much involved in the editing of the now infamous CIA talking points of the Benghazi attacks. NBC reports that the entire Benghazi investigation is just a witch hunt on the part of Fox News. So there you go – nothing to see here.
But seriously, think of all the crap you know about your brother: Wouldn’t it be just slightly inappropriate if he was national security advisor for the President of the United States; and you were the President of CBS News? All you would have to do is threaten to tell everybody about the time your brother did that thing with the dog and the peanut butter and he’d have to shut you up with all kinds of national security secrets in return. Is it me, or is everything about the mainstream press and this administration just messed up?

Measurements of CO2 at a lab in Hawaii have topped 400 parts per million for the first time. Climate scientists also reported even higher levels were found in and around Al Gore’s refrigerator, which apparently gets opened and shut on a fairly frequent basis. The weather station atop the Mauna Loa volcano has been recording numbers continuously, stretching back to 1958, not too long after Al Gore was born but I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. The researchers there say the last time CO2 was above 400ppm was three to five million years ago – before modern humans existed and well before; “An Inconvenient Truth” won the Oscar. The climate way back then was also considerably hotter than it is today, meaning Al Gore’s new “Global Cooling” film, being written in between massages at his seaside home in California, looks to be another sure hit. Somehow, Al found the only house that won’t be destroyed by the inevitable rising ocean levels caused by us Americans exhaling all that CO2.

Senator John McCain is pushing a bill which would prevent cable companies from “bundling” their products – compelling customers to order packages which include channels they don’t necessarily want. McCain wants Americans to have the right to order TV a la carte, and says anybody that wants all the channels can just climb up on their roof and jiggle the antennae like he does.

The California State Assembly passed a bill last week which mandates that schools permit boys to play on girls’ athletic teams and use the ladies’ locker room if they gender identify as girls. In reaction to this thoughtful and sensitive action by the considerate lawmakers of California, I can only say; WHOO-HOOO‼‼ State bill AB 1266 reads: “A pupil shall be permitted to participate in sex-segregated school programs and activities, including athletic teams and competitions, and use facilities consistent with his or her gender identity, irrespective of the gender listed on the pupil’s records.” Now I know that I’ve been a man for more than a couple decades now, but I too would like to invoke the “I identify as a girl” rule on my next visit to my local health club. Don’t worry ladies, not happy to see you – that’s just a gun under my towel… WHOO-HOOO‼‼ Boobies! Psyche!

Rodney Lee Conover is a writer / performer, living in Southern California’s Mohave Desert
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