A new Quinnipiac national poll found Hillary Clinton’s latest favorability/unfavorability rating is 52/40, down from February’s 61/34. And all because of a YouTube video…
Who actually goes to McDonald’s for one of their salads? It’s a question I ask myself when waiting in the drive-thru for the $1 coffee (it’s not bad) which I dump into the cold remains of yesterday’s Venti Starbucks. Turns out the answer is – that’s right – almost no one buys their salads. CEO Don Thompson says salads are roughly 2-3% of MacDonald’s sales. Really? Wow – people don’t go to MacDonald’s for health-conscious fare? Every five minutes I see a mouth-watering MacDonald’s salad commercial interrupting the hockey game that makes me want to run right out to the YardHouse and order the Thai Chicken Salad. Man, I’m Lovin’ it! Of course I wouldn’t eat a MacDonald’s salad if you paid me, and that 2-3% aside, it’s kinda unanimous. So why all the marketing expenditures for MacDonald’s salads if no lettuce is going out the door? Answer: It’s to shut up the health Nazis. Apparently, having ammunition against the nutrition extremists is cheaper than the bad press they bring if you don’t have crappy selling crappy salads on your menu. Pretty McStupid, but that’s the liberal world I live in.
Although women continue to have their doubts about disgraced former Senator Anthony Weiner running for mayor, men may be ready to forgive him according to a new poll. Insert your own joke there. Here’s mine: Democratic men in New York City named Weiner as their top choice over all other candidates, although he still trails frontrunner Christine Quinn. When males were asked why they would vote for Weiner, most said it’s because he acts like a leader. It sounds like he should get an Oscar for Mayor Weiner. Thank-you, good-night and drive safely. Please lend me a couple bullets on your way out. Actually I hope he wins, I could use the material.
Former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has sold a television drama to Showtime entitled “Pump,” which is not his relationship with the help, but a show that documents the origin of the health industry to a single 1,000-square-foot concrete room in Santa Monica: a gym called Pump. The hour long drama set in early 70’s Venice Beach, Calif., will have Arnold attached as executive producer, as well as him making drop-in appearances. No truth to the rumor that Charro will play Maria and Arnold’s housemaid. Arnold is still pushing for Penélope Cruz or Salma Hayek. Good luck with that one, Mr. Universe. Pretty sure those babes can’t wait to work with you.
A sandwich was thrown at the Prime Minister of Australia this past week, during her visit to a school in the city of Canberra. The salami sandwich was hurled from an unidentified culprit in a crowd of students, striking her in the arm. Apparently this has happened to Chris Christie a WHOLE LOT over the years. Yes. Fat joke. Shut up.
Last week the state of California claimed that its version of Obamacare’s health insurance exchange would actually reduce premiums. “These rates are way below the worst-case gloom-and-doom scenarios we have heard,” boasted Peter Lee, executive director of the California exchange. But the data that Lee released tells a different story: Obamacare, in fact, will increase individual-market premiums in California by as much as 146 percent. There is no punch line here, just a sad group of people who voted for Barack Obama the second time around, an even sadder group who passed ObamaCare without reading it and yet an even sadder group who sit around not defunding it. Not naming names, but their initials are John Boehner.
Venezuelan police seized 2,500 rolls of toilet paper in western Caracas, which were stolen from a limited goods warehouse and hidden in a garage. Toilet paper is scarce in Venezuela and hard to find in grocery stores as are staple food items such as sugar, milk and cooking oil. The socialist government says the shortages are part of a plot by Capitalists to destabilize the country. Hugo Chavez has vowed to flush out these imperialist dogs, wipe out toilet paper crime and bring all lovers of freedom, democracy, and liberty to justice. Chief Luis Karabin said that Venezuelan police acted on a telephone tip from local celebrity Senor Wipple.
Schmell ‘ya laters…
Rodney Lee Conover is a writer / performer, living in Southern California’s Mohave Desert
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