Over the years, we have seen a number of humorous accounts of the mishaps of would-be criminals. If anything can go wrong to the right people, then criminals are the perfect patsies for such unfortunate and unplanned consequences.
A few years back, I recall watching a program on dumb criminals and saw a surveillance video of a man who raised an 8x8x16 cinder block over his head and then threw it at a glass door on the front of a store. The block quickly bounced back, hit the man in the head and knocked him out. The block hitting the door set off the burglar alarm and when police arrived, they found the unconscious man on the ground with a slightly bleeding knot on his forehead.
Another great one was the guy who wrapped a chain around the bumper of his pickup truck and then around an ATM and tried to pull the ATM from its base. After a strong jerk with his truck, the entire rear bumper ripped off and remained still chained to the ATM machine which was still firmly planted to it concrete base. Police used the license plate, displayed on the left-behind bumper, to identify the genius and arrested him. He was surprised that the police found him so quickly.
On the news, a number of years ago, the reporter could barely stop laughing as she reported the story of a man who walked into a crowded bar, pulled out a gun and asked for all the cash in the cash register. The words barely left his mouth when he found nearly 40 guns pointed in his direction. The bar was a favorite hangout for cops after their day of chasing bad guys and writing tickets. The female newscaster erupted into all-out laughter as she finished the report saying that the would-be robber not only peed his pants but ‘crapped his britches’ at that sight of so many guns pointing at him.
There was the case of two men who went into a restaurant in Chicago and told the owner they had a gun and would kill him if he didn’t give them food and money. He told them he was too busy and to come back in an hour, so they left. An hour later, they returned and again demanded money and food. The owner told them to wait while he went to get his wife’s checkbook. They waited while the store owner went in the back, where he called police. When police arrived and arrested the dumb criminals, it was discovered that the dangerous gun they claimed to have was a water pistol.
One of my favorites happened years ago, when a bank robber wrote his hold-up note on the back of his appointment card for his parole officer. When police turned the hold-up note over, they used the information to contact the parole officer and learned the name and address of the bank robber, who was surprised when police rolled up in his driveway.
Now we can add the case of 46-year-old Fatima Milanovic to the list of dumb or unlucky criminals when she tried to score a large robbery on a jewelry store in Boca Raton. She entered the store and told the owner that she represented a buyer. Her plan was to get the owner to show her the vault where she planned to distract the owner long enough to switch out a package of fake stones for real ones with nearly $6 million.
Jewelry store owner Vladislav Yampolski told the media:
“She came here to inspect stones without bringing any tools, no magnifying glass, no diamond dealers loop, nothing, so it was obvious she was about to pull something.”
“That’s how she tried to scam us. She brought her own materials, wrapped it herself with her own tape and tried to pull the switch because she had the identical package in her bag, pre-made.”
Realizing what Milanovic was up to, Yamplolski managed to lock her inside the vault until police could arrive. When police showed up and the vault was opened, police arrested her and she was charged with grand theft and organized fraud before being locked up again this time by police. She was eventually released on a $50,000 bond. Hopefully, after her trial, she’ll be locked up a third time only this time it should be for a lot longer.
It seems that so many people believe they are the world’s greatest criminal when in fact they prove to be exact the opposite.