Issue: On May 5th Michigan voted down Proposition 1, a measure that would have changed the State Constitution, spread pork through every pore of modern bureaucracy, increased sales and gasoline taxes, and brought in an extra 2 billion in tax revenue to Lansing. All this so the state could fund $400 million in road repairs. Proposition 1 lost by about 80 to 20. The guy on relentless positive radio, who makes his living by bringing on heavy hitter guests and relentlessly smooching the seat of their pants so they will return to his show relentlessly, was relentlessly negative in his view of fellow citizens. He wondered how we will ever attract the type of workers and businesses we need when our roads are in such a disgraceful state. He’s got issues.

Solution: The State has a 53 billion dollar budget. Cut off all travel to conferences for all state employees, take away their credit cards and their their state-provided cars, cap all pension benefits for all state workers, elected and unelected, at $80.000 a year, stop holding expensive special elections in order to confuse and (if truth be told) trick voters, seek out waste and fraud in all government agencies, and stop that waste and fraud at all levels of government. I’ll bet that out of 53 billion dollars you can find 400 million hidden somewhere. Then you can fund road repairs and attract Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and all of the Super Companies that will employ the Super Citizens Michigan covets but who don’t live here yet and don’t drive on our roads yet. When all the roads are so Super Grand that Superman trips over himself to move here and brings his whole Super Family and Super Corporations with him, when all of the Super-Citizens who don’t live in Michigan rush here solely because of our Magical Michigan Super Roads, well I’ll bet things will be hunky-dory and Super State Legislature and Super Governor will never have to search 53 billion dollar empty pockets for virtual chump change in order to service the obviously un-super current citizens who already reside here and already pay taxes here. Fools who believe cool cities or cool roads are the answer to poorly managed budgets are working on 20% of brain capacity. Manage funds better.

Issue: Politics is full of dirty money. Politicians enrich themselves with gifts and inside information, make laws and regulations based upon the desires of big donors, your Koch brothers are nothing like my Tom Steyers and George Soros because I say so. Politicians have transparency issues.

Solution: Capping and accounting. If the EPA can randomly cap emissions, citizens can randomly cap political donations. I say three million per election. Anybody can donate as much as they want, but the donations per candidate are capped at three million. That’s it. No Foundations, no PACS, no cheating. The IRS demands that citizen’s account for every earned penny, therefore citizens should demand that a full report of all donations, all donors, and all expenditures be rendered and published two days before the election. In this way we will know who is out there buying our boy into office. One last thing; the penalties are set in cement: You get caught cheating, taking bribes or gifts, enriching your cousin Louie, hiring your drug addled daughter at some government outpost in Timbuktu – Boom! Hoosegow. Anything with even an appearance of impropriety and you go to jail. Make it five years minimum for the politician, three years minimum for the donor. Double it if you like, what do I care? The three million is only a starting point; we can negotiate. Any politician objecting to this framework is in it for himself; he has no interest in serving the community. Wave him bye-bye and tell him to take McCain/Feingold with him. Politicians should not be allowed to write the rules for themselves. We, the People, should write campaign finance laws.

Issue: Some really stupid Professor at some backward Podunk mud puddle of a progressive poppycock university got hisself a moment Worhalian by mansplaining that if you read to your child you are rendering them an unfair advantage over less advantaged children whose parents are only being fair by not giving their offspring any unfair advantages that the children could later use to take unfair advantage of others and thereby compound the inequality and unfair advantages bestowed upon certain children and offspring that afflicts our whole nation because of inequality and unfair advantage. You can tell this guy really does have issues.

Solution: Warning: Don’t read anything this idiot writes. Ever. Not to yourself, not to your children. His not rare enough form of stupid may be communicable through the written page. I only wish his grandmother had read Margaret Sanger to his mother; we all could have avoided his current annoying, straining, and hopefully short presence on the national scene.

Issue: Michelle Obama can’t go to a museum without preaching about people who feel ill at ease and uncomfortable at museums and libraries. White privilege and all that, you know. Michelle, who has risen to the absolute pinnacle of American Society, sees museums as social constructs that discourage women and minorities from full participation in the American Experience. Perhaps long, leisurely, and plentiful rides on Air Force One afforded time to muse ruefully about the oppression leveled upon her by museums and libraries; she coulda had class, she coulda been a contender, she coulda been Queen Of The Planet. It’s quite an issue.

Solution: Michelle, there are only 787,642 minutes left until you and Barack can go out and seek funds for The Obama Family Foundation. Try to shut up for two of them.